My thoughts, feelings,and emotions.

temp down

Tue, 19 Oct 2004 01:04:04 GMT

Mom said that she is getting our internet cut off. Boo hoo. I won't be able to update much often then. I hate it cuz this acutally helps me vent out frustrations.

I have to go to a funeral Thursday. My uncle's brother died. They are taking it really hard. I am going to show support.

I am really excited cuz Dave is coming to pick me up Wednesday and we are gonna spend the entire day together. I 've been worried cuz he's been having nightmares bout me. He called me at noon today cuz he had one last night and he freaked out. I am just glad he's actually taking time off work to come get me. We need some time together. I love him with all my heart.

hurt and pissed

Fri, 15 Oct 2004 22:54:27 GMT

I talked to my nannah today. I asked her if my uncle had cancer and she said yes. She has known now for eight months and didnt even bother to tell me. When I asked her why she said it slipped her mind. How can something so damn important as cancer slip her mind?! I'm hurt. I'm pissed. I don't want to loose my uncle. He is the only uncle that has ever been there for me and done anything that I have ever needed him to do. I'm like really scared now. I don't want him to die.

Just plain ol shit

Fri, 15 Oct 2004 02:30:37 GMT

I don't think I have updated in like a day or so. Anyway, Me and Angie went to Elaine today and visited some family there. One of my cousins are in Little Rock and is in a bad situation.

My uncle's brother is dying and from what I just found out my uncle has cancer too. I don't know though, I am hoping mom heard wrong. My aunt said that he was a diabetic and that if he didn't change his diet he wouldn't be alive long , but she didnt say anything about cancer.
I am going to call her and ask her about it tomorrow.

So like as I am writing this, Angie is outside in the cold arguing with Terry. One minute she doesn't want him, the next she does. She told me today that she had sex with Billy last night. So go figure. I'm just confused about it. I still think she should try to work things out with Glyn.

Anyway, Dave is liking his new job. He sold one on his first day there. He still doesn't know when he will get a day off yet. OH well. He got mad today cuz this dude didn't want to put a down payment on this car and was trying to bribe him by asking him if he wanted to see his wife's boobs. That's just fucked up. I am like growing axious cuz I am wanting to go visit him so bad. He told me that on his day off he was going to come pick me up and spend the whole day with me. I am looking forward to that.

I went back to being a brunette the other day. At first I didnt like it, but it's growing on me. Dave wants me to keep it this way so I might. You never know with me.

pissed and hurt

Tue, 12 Oct 2004 06:51:25 GMT

Can't go to Dave's tomorrow, cuz he says he has to work. Didn't even get to talk to him long. He knew that I wanted to come up there so bad, and now he fucks that chance up. I am tired of pretending not to be mad at something he does. I shouldn't have to do that. Oh well, though. This is the fucking life of Valerie Lynn Newsom. Aint it just so fuckin great!

Blah

Mon, 11 Oct 2004 22:22:48 GMT

I was supposed to go to Dave's today, but I wasn't able to. I am hoping to tomorrow. He told me last night that he is thinking of quitting his music career and getting a real job. He said he doesn't like being at his mom's house and He wants money in his pocket. I just hate to see all that hard work go to waste. It is his life though, and I will love him no matter what.

I need to get a job like soon, but there is nothing here. I don't know what to do and it has been buggin me alot here lately. I hate depending on others, but I don't know what to do.

Bitchy Kinda Day

Sun, 10 Oct 2004 06:55:59 GMT

Dave told me today that he got into a fight with three black dudes at a Burger King in Memphis. I don't like for him to fight cuz you never know if someone is going to have a gun on them or not. I am going to see if Angie will take me up there to see him Monday.

Anyway, I have been really bitchy today cuz of my PMS issues. I have been like going off on everybody here lately. I don't mean to, though.

I am worried about my sister. She has been going back and forth between Terry and Billy. Terry is the reason why she has had to be put on some heavy medication for her nerves. If I had it my way, she would just be by herself and not worry bout anyone of them. She needs time by herself cuz she hasnt had that. I just hope that God will protect her cuz even though I have another sister in Arizona, to me Angie is the only real sister I got.

chilled out

Sat, 09 Oct 2004 05:57:36 GMT

Dre told Dave today to fire all the ppl in the studio, cuz they aren't helping him like they are supposed to. He went to that funeral today and I wish I could have been there for him. He and I both miss each other terribly. I hope he gets time off soon.

Man Wal Mart is breaking my ass. They keep having all these cute shirts on sale and being a shop a holic like I am I keep buying shit . I am runnin outta room to put all that stuff. I love it though lol. It's so fun and it takes my mind off stuff.

My crimeson wave came today. I'm not a happy go lucky person right now. One, these cramps are a bitch. Two, I don't like bleeding. Three, I get horny as hell when I am raggin. See my problem.

DAVE WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU WHEN I NEED TO GET LAID?!

Just Venting

Fri, 08 Oct 2004 04:43:23 GMT

I have like been thinking alot bout Dave. Being apart doesn't bother me too long, but it is starting to get to me bad. I know that he is busy and I accept that. I just wish we had more time together thats all. He told me if I ever felt neglected to let him know, but he's got so much on him right now I just don't want to add to his troubles. I'm sure everything will work out, but I just wish he could atleast go to Blues Fest with me.

I know I probably won't be able to talk to him till the wee hours in the morning, but what really gets me ticked is that he goes next door to his brother's house where Trey always has music blaring or video games blaring. It's hard to speak over all that and it distracts Dave so most of the time I'm just sitting there listening. I know he doesn't mean to be like that, and he prolly doesn't realize that he is doing it.

Brian is really getting on my nerves here lately. I keep trying and trying to blow him off, but he's not taking the hint ya know. I even went three days without talking to him and he still won't back off. Some people just need to get a clue ya know. He didn't have time for me and he has less troubles than Dave does. Dave, I can understand cuz he has got to get that record done, but Brian had no excuse what so ever that is why I dropped him like a bad habit. I don't feel sorry about it anymore cuz its not my fault its his. I just wish he would make it easy on both of us and just go away.

I was listening to my Switchfoot cd, and this song on there just made me cry cuz I was thinking bout Dave so much. He is going through alot of shit right now and I feel bad cuz I can't be there to help.
First his friend dieing and now Dre telling him he has two weeks to finish his record. I know he needs support and I am trying to give him as much support as I can. I mean like I give him as much as I can when I can, and we had a great time when I was down there.

He tells me that if it wasn't for me he would not have the strength to do all this. I just basically want this for him so bad cuz its every thing that he has dreamed of. I mean if like Dre would just relax and give Dave the time to get this stuff over with then everything would be ok. Dave wouldnt be soo stressed out. Dave said he is sure Dre h as ppl down his throat too about finding new talent.

I just feel really useless right now cuz I don't know how to help him out right now and I can't find the words to soothe the pain he has over loosing his friend. This whole music career is all Dave and if it doesnt go through then I really don't know how he will take it. I told thim that if Dre doesn't want him then someone else will, cuz he is soo talented. There is alot fo ppl that don't want another white rapper in the industry, but Dave has worked so hard that he deserves it. I'm just scared that Dre won't want to sign him on the label. I know it will tear Dave up and knowing Dave like I do he will feel like he has let everyone down although, I told him the only way he would ever let me down is to not want to be with me anymore and he said there is no chance in hell of that happening.

busy bee

Fri, 08 Oct 2004 00:16:41 GMT

well, I have been busy today. Angie fucked her hair up, and I have been trying to fix it the best way I can. I cut it last night and tried to get it from red to blonde, but it didn't work. I didn't realize it but the dye she got was a champagne color blonde and the champagne color in it only toned down the orange tones in it. So, tonight I went got a different color and I am praying to God that it turns out right. I mean if she was red going to brown I could fix that in a heart beat, but red to blonde is tricky.

Also, when my brother gets off work I have to rehighlight his hair. I'm gonna have to start charging them something cuz they are taking advantage of me. I mean, its good practice for me cuz it keeps my skills up, but money is short and I need some bad.

Dave told me last night that he talked to Dre and Dre said Dave has two weeks to get his record done or he has no chance of getting on the label. Dave is like really stressed. He didn't get home to talk to me till four something this morning. Bad thing is, I wanted him to go to Blues Fest with me, and now I don't think he will have the chance to. I told him I didn't want to go without him cuz it just wouldn't be fun. He told me that he would do his best. Then I told him that he has his obligations to get his record done and not to worry. Well, that didn't go well with him, cuz he said I was the most important thing in his life rather than his music career and that he really wanted to go. so, we'll see.

Poor Dave

Wed, 06 Oct 2004 19:34:02 GMT

Well, last night Dave told me his friend didn't make it. His funeral is Friday. I could tell he just wanted to break down and cry but for some odd reason he just held it inside him. I told him to just let it all out cuz if he holds it in it will just build up and build up.

I am more worried now bout him than ever. His friend got shot at the studio where Dave works. I'm scared for him to go there, cuz I don't want anything bad happening to him. I just found him and loosing him is the last thing I want to do.

All I can do now is just pray for him and the boy's family. I told Dave if he has to go to the studio and rap the shit out of his system then go for it. I am scared that if he lets it build up he will do something regretable. I'm just going to be there for him. That is all I can do.

mellowed day

Wed, 06 Oct 2004 02:02:21 GMT

I didn't do much today. Just went to Wal Mart and bought me a shirt. I re colored my hair too.
Been worried bout Dave since last night. A few days ago his friend was shot in the head in Memphis by a gang memeber. Dave called and checked on him and he didnt like the news he got. He said on his way to the studio that he was gonna go by the hospital and say his last words to him cuz they aren't expecting him to make it.

He is all tore up about it. I don't know what to say or do to make him feel better. I just told him that I would be there for him.

Saw my baby today

Tue, 05 Oct 2004 03:25:39 GMT

I went to Wynne and saw Dave. He was really happy to see me. We just talked and held hands and kissed. He is so good to me. He told me that he doesn't want me to change anything about my appearance cuz he likes me just the way I am. That made me feel so good to hear him say that.

He isn't like anyone I have ever met. I feel so lucky to have found him. He is very honest with me. I know that this relationship is going to work out just fine. I am just feeling like I am walkin on cloud nine.

Things are good

Sun, 03 Oct 2004 23:15:28 GMT

Things with Dave are going good. He is so excited bout getting his record out. He finished the song about me in the studio yesterday. He is really eager for me to hear it. He has been working really hard on this record, and I know it will pay off. Dave has said he is not going to be the regular type of rapper that raps bout drugs and what they drink or what kinda car they drive. He is wanting to be a positive role model and Dr. Dre likes that bout him. Dre is wanting something fresh and new that is why he is really interested in Dave. He held a concert at his house the other night, I couldnt be there but I wished I could be. He called me afterwards all excited and was liked damn baby I wish you coulda been here. He is really special to me, and we have been keeping it real with each other and we both seem to know what we want and we both want the same things so thats really good. We stay on the phone all freaking night till usually bout eight or nine in the morning and we talk about everything. I feel so comfortable with him. I can see this working out.

I told Dave to go out and chase his dream. I said that even if you only get to taste it for a little bit atleast you can say you chased ur dream and knew what it was while it lasted. I told him that his musical career is all about him and him only. I told him I don't want him to feel like I have to be apart of that cuz I just want him and thats it. He insists on making me apart of it. He says he wants me to get out of here and that he is the person to take me. When Dre calls bout the record signing we are taking off to New York together. Thats going to be great, cuz I have never been to New York.

It is kinda hard dating a musician cuz I told Dave that I am afraid ppl will think that is why I am with him since he is alot older than me. He said "baby, you are the only thing that is going to make me feel real when all this goes down. I need you there. You have been my biggest supporter and fuck what ppl think." Pretty cool huh? I do encourage him, cuz I know it helps and he needs all the support and encouragement he can get.

I broke down and let brian know what was up last night and he understood completely. We have always had that understanding btwn. us. He knows he could not be there and I have been putting things serious off with Dave cuz I was confused , but I am going for it, cuz I am tired of waiting on ppl. I did that alot when I was with Alan and that is over. No more waiting. Me and Dave are gonna be together no matter what.

Dave

Sat, 02 Oct 2004 07:15:54 GMT

Dave is this guy I met in Wynne. He is fixing to sign a record deal with Dr. Dre. Yes, he is a white rapper, but hes awesome. He has to be awesome if Dre is interested. Anyway, we are a couple now. He's amazing I have never met anyone like him in my life. I used to think that I would not be able to date older men, cuz they intimidate me, but Dave is so much like me that I am completely comfortable with him. He talks to me like no one else has ever talked to me. Like I really matter.

You are prolly wonderin what happened to Brian since he's all I have talked about recently.
Well, Brian can't make time for me. So, I moved on. I am so glad I did cuz Dave is alot closer to me that Brian is and I can see him more. Right now I am walkin on cloud nine and loving every minute of it.

Rip, ol buddy ol pal, I just want u to know I am so proud of you for getting a job. Lord knows I wish I could. You went from somone eager and nervous to a real professional and I am just proud and thankful that you let me work on your hair. Good luck, and make that paper!

Fri, 01 Oct 2004 00:11:28 GMT

You Are "Wow"!

What Japanese Smiley Are You?

pissed

Thu, 30 Sep 2004 09:14:37 GMT

i used to talk to this guy named eric. he made be beleive we were gonna be together. well, outta no where tonight he like gets on line and calls me everything but a human being. basically the things he knew would get to me like im ugly and fat.

just when i get my hopes up bout men someone fucks it up. im so pissed off and hurt that im seeing red.

I feel like a dude

Wed, 29 Sep 2004 05:35:04 GMT

I feel like a dude, because I can't get sex off my mind. I think it is cuz I haven't had any in over two months. That is just not normal to me at all. Im like going through withdraws and shit. Now I know what a nimfo must go through when they dont get any for like two days. Man, this sucks. Brian needs to like lend me his services or something. Damn.

Anyway, i got my nails done again today. They look good. I bought be some pjs that say night owl on them. that describes me down to a t.

still havent gotten my pc fixed. i need to really bad. i have to get up and try to get into the health depo tomorrow. hopefully they have an opening cuz i really dont wanna get up that early for nothing. i hope i can get up cuz i forgot to tell mom and dad that i needed to be up. oh well guess i could just stay up all night or somethin like that.

Tue, 28 Sep 2004 20:48:01 GMT

To pick up Brad Pitt: If I could rearrange the alphabet... I'd put you between F and CK

Get your own Magic Pick Up Line

bout last night

Tue, 28 Sep 2004 04:13:25 GMT

so me and brian talked. We got everything squared away. He says he is coming on the tenth so I am like really excited about that. We stayed up till like six thirty talking this morning. It was cool;I enjoyed it alot. I didn't do much today at all. I'm hoping to have a more productive day tomorrow. Right now I'm just eating yogurt and contemplating on a bag of Doritos. Thats so sad!

Anyway, I have been letting Brian read my journal, and he kinda sorta got a lil upset bout what I wrote bout Alan the other day. It's cool now. He knows I just miss having someone in bed with me. I'll never want to be with Alan again. I'm seriously thinking bout moving up to Fayettville to be with Brian. Hell it can't be no worse than it is here.

Worried

Mon, 27 Sep 2004 06:08:08 GMT

Well, Brian informed that he was home from his conference. He also took the girls to Texas so that they could visit their grandma. He admitted to me that he was scared bout us. Reason is, he's afraid the issues he has will drive me way. I told him the only thing that will drive me away is if he doesn't come see me. The whole part of being in a relationship is dealing with each other's issues. His issues is not going to make me want to leave him. If anything, they will make me want to help him with them. We are supposed to talk somemore about all this tonight, so, I'm sitting here waiting for him to log on. Starting to worry though cuz he's usually here bout twelve thirty and its like a lil after one now. Hope he didn't fall asleep, cuz I've missed him really bad.

I went to wal mart and bought me some trix yogurt, and it came with these halloween tattos. I put a blue cat on my big toe. It looks cute. I'm seriously thinking of getting me a real one there. Maybe a lady bug or a butter fly. Lady bugs are good luck though.

I don't really now what to write about since hes not on here yet. So, chances are if he gets back on, I will write some more then.

Mon, 27 Sep 2004 05:59:01 GMT

Your Girl Parts Are Named: The Fortune Nookie

Get your own Sex Name

Wild Night

Sun, 26 Sep 2004 07:26:18 GMT

Well, Me and mom and Angie went shopping for outfits to wear out tonight. I lucked up big time. I found this black pin stripped shirt that zips up and this black pin stripe beret looking hat. I looked awesome tonight. I have never thought I was attractive but once I did my hair and make up and put my clothes on I felt like a million bucks.

My mom, bless her heart, got me drunk before we left. We went riding around with Angie and Debra. Bad thing is by the time we actually made to the club, I had sobered up. I had fun there. I danced my ass off.

The most God aweful thing happened. My sister knows that she can bet me to do anything for twenty dollars. She knows I'll do anything to get the money. Well, she grabbs the guy thats like thirty something years old and bet me twenty dollars that I wouldnt kiss him. The thing is, I've known this guy since I was twelve yrs old. Well, needless to say, I got my twenty dollars. Then, if that aint worse...after mom left he snuck up behind me and layed a big smootch on me. I was like ewwwwwwwwwwww.
The he had the audacity to tell me that he knew that turned me on. ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Next time, shes got to raise the stakes to atleast thirty, cuz I'll be having nightmares bout this for a long ass time.

Haven't talked to Brian since Thursday. I miss him. I hope to talk to him really soon.

Sat, 25 Sep 2004 04:25:29 GMT

You Know You're From Arkansas When...

"Vacation" means goin' through Harrison on the way to Branson.

Down South, to you, means Louisiana.

You have no problem spelling or pronouncin' Ouachita or Possum Grape.

You know what Toad Suck and Booger Holler are.

Your idea of a really great tenderloin is when the meat is twice as big as the bun and comes with cole slaw on top.

You say catty-wampus and tumped over.

You know the difference between a deer dog, a duck dog and a coon dog by the way they bark.

Pulaski County is considered a foreign or exotic place.

You consider being a "Beef Queen" an honor.

You faithfully drink Pepsi, Mt. Dew, or Dr. Pepper everyday of your life.

You know what a "cow drop" is.

You have your own secret bbq sauce.

You know how to snipe hunt.

You or your neighbors have more hunting dogs than you have family members.

You visit the Arkansas State Fair mainly to see your neighbor's prize chicken.

You've been invited to or had a bunkin' party.

You abhor homosexuality, but love "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy."

You'd rather be No. 1 in football than No. 1 in education.

You think that recycling means riding your bike down the same old path.

You think orange barrels are really part of the interstate system.

When the forecast calls for an inch of snow, you run out with all the other crazies to stand in line for three hours to buy a month's worth of groceries.

You drink sweet iced tea out of a sports bottle.

Your traditional Thanksgiving dinner is a deep-fried turkey.

You call a shopping cart a buggy.

You see "No Hunting" signs are riddled with bullet holes.

You think "Animal House" is the training film for incoming athletes at the University of Arkansas

The three food groups are Velveeta, pork rinds and a six-pack.

Everyone you think of as a "liberal" is either Methodist or Catholic.

You think that Bill Clinton is a lyin', cheatin' sumbitch, but you'd still vote for him again in a heartbeat because he's OUR lyin' cheatin' sumbitch.

You've "offered" someone an "ass-whoopin'. " (

When you give directions they include "over yonder," "down the road a piece," and "right near."

You're not commitment-phobic: you love God, guns and football.

You'd rather have a Budweiser beer museum than a presidential library.

You think pinto beans are nekkid without hamhocks, cornbread and buttermilk.

Sweet milk and torn up biscuits in a glass is your favorite dessert.

You think bagels are nothing but a cruel doughnut joke invented by some Yankee!

You eat at Senor Tequila's for atmosphere and Lolita's Tex-Mex for salsa.

You say, "I voted for Clinton to get him out of the state."

You own three cars and one license plate.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Arkansas.

Get Your Own "You Know You're From" Meme Here

More cool things for your blog at
Blogthings

Sat, 25 Sep 2004 04:19:16 GMT

You Should Vote For Kerry

Though You'd Rather Vote for Michael Moore

Which presidential candidate should you vote for?

I spoiled myself!

Sat, 25 Sep 2004 04:10:30 GMT

Today, I got my settlement. Yay! Took long enough. So, I gave dad 600.00 to get his check out of some cash place he got a lone from. I also paid 290.00 to get our phone cut back on and mom is going to pay me back for that.

I bought me all kinds of stuff today. I sorta felt bad bout how much money I spent but momma told me not to worry bout it, cuz I deserved it. She a great mom. Anyway, I got some new under garmets, two cds, a portable cd walkman, makeup, shirts, and I finally found a purse with a V on it. Wal Mart must think every body's name starts with an A or S or L or M or J. I found the only purse with a V on it. I felt bad though, cuz I know mom wanted one. I told her we can share mine.

Mom said Dad has been telling her he wants to move away from here. I told her I wouldnt mind going to Fayettville so I could be with Brian. He's at a conference this weekend in Little Rock. I wish I could go see him. Anyway, mom said if dad brings it up again then we can just pack up and go. I really want to, cuz I wanna start that new chapter of my life pretty soon.

Couldn't find a cd rom worth buying today, so me and mom are gonna go to radio shack to see what we can find. She thinks that even after I get the viruses off here that the computer will still be shot. I gotta try though cuz we cant afford a new computer. As soon as I get all those problems fixed, I'm gonna get me that webcam I've been wanting.

I feel really good today. Shopping always puts me in a good mood. Tomorrow night I am gonna go to the club and shake my ass. Lord knows I gotta big ass. ha ha. I need to get out and cut loose for once. I am looking forward to it.